And Here’s To You Lululemon

I have to thank Lululemon for their Wunder Groove Crop pants, with inner stash pocket, flat seamed stitching (to prevent chafing) and extra padding in the crotch area, because sitting at Starbucks’s the other day, I sneezed and peed my pants.

I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed, after all Whoopi Goldberg brought LBL (Light Bladder Leakage) into the mainstream (stream, get it). But let’s face it, it’s just not cool to lose control of ones bodily functions in public.

I was sitting on a wood chair, working on my laptop, and I sneezed. It felt like I fully wet my pants, as if I was sitting on the toilet. It did not feel like a trickle or ‘light leakage’ that Whoopi speaks about. I was convinced that I was sitting in a puddle of my own urine. Charming and sexy, no?

This was bothersome and frustrating for a couple of reasons. For one thing, I MADE IN MY PANTS IN PUBLIC! The last time I made in my pants I was at a roller rink (old school, four wheels baby) in seventh grade, skating backwards to Donna Summer’s, “Last Dance”, when my friend Debby said something so funny, that I, well, peed my pants. Fortunately, I was able to Kegel just in time to prevent the stream from dribbling down my leg. Luckily I had a sweatshirt with me and tied it around my waist.

I didn’t have an extra sweatshirt with me at Starbuck’s. I could have made a beeline to the bathroom, because there were only a few stragglers milling about but there was a man sitting right behind me, who I was sure could see my leakage on the chair and in my pants. So I waited.

I busied myself for awhile and then I just had to get to the bathroom. I grabbed my bag and awkwardly held it behind me. This was my feeble attempt at covering my ass, as it were. My other hand covered my front. After all, I didn’t know what I was dealing with.

When I got into the bathroom and spot checked, I was out of my head with amazement. There was no sign of leakage outside of my wonderful Wunder Groove Crop pants. Oh, I peed, don’t get me wrong, but the extra cushioning in the crotch acted much like a, oh, I don’t know, a sassy, and comfortable diaper!

Besides my embarrassment, I was upset at myself because I’m a friggin’ Pilates instructor! My pelvic floor muscles should be in tip top shape. This never should’ve happened. On my last gynecological visit, my doctor even said, ‘Wow’ upon examining me, and my lady parts.

I can’t rely solely on Lululemon to catch my pee, although their stuff really is the bomb. I must get into the Pilates studio a lot more and squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, for when I sneeze, sneeze, sneeze.