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When did I start looking at people on the street and wondering what they did for a living and asking, are they happy? Could I do their job? Would I even want their job? What would it take to get their job? Do I even have the qualifications, the skills, or the ability?
A few weeks ago I learned that the position I have held for years was no longer considered a relevant, viable position in my industry anymore. It’s not like I hadn’t been expressing to anyone who would listen for the last couple of years, that things were changing fast and our company needed to change with it. That I too, questioned the relevance of my own place. So, I should have been more prepared for this. Should have, being the key.
It hit me hard, this life changing turn. This crossroads. A lot harder than I expected. I suppose I was hanging onto the idea that things would miraculously work themselves out. That I would find my new place, I would again be relevant and vital within the safety of my company, my beloved industry. That I wouldn’t have to change. And that I would get the same satisfaction from my job as I once did.
But that was not to be.
In my process of dealing with the changes I foresaw approaching, I made sure of one thing: I tried everything I could think of to make it work. I did my very best, and exhausted all possibilities to achieve success. So I am confident it wasn’t for a lack of effort on my part. In the last year I pushed my limits of learning, at the expense of my family and friends, to teach an old dog new tricks. I embraced technology (it doesn’t like me much), I dusted off some old skills and began to write again, I did whatever I could think of to find a solution. And yet I still failed to make it work. Ultimately it came to the end result I had feared. I was no longer necessary. It was time for me to move on, to take a new path, to bust out of my bubble and find a new job.
I recently read the 5 stages of grief a person goes through after losing a loved one. I liken them to how I feel/felt about losing my career. That may sound a little extreme to you, but based on the amount of tears shed, the stress my body went through, the sleepless nights I endured, there were definitely 5 stages of grief.
1. Denial and Isolation
The first reaction is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain. Although I had slowly been letting go over the course of the last year, when I finally heard the words, I froze up.
2. Anger
As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry. This is what I experienced coming back to work after the holidays and having to make my “choice” about what my position might be in the future. All of them involved either more hours or a pay-cut to do my same job.
3. Bargaining
The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control. I bargained, argued, and asked for explanations. In the end, nothing made sense, I don’t think it ever will.
4. Depression
Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. How are we going to survive without my same income? Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression. We worry, we isolate ourselves, we are quiet. Sometimes all we really need is a hug.
5. Acceptance
Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.
Remember, grieving is a personal process that has no time limit, nor one “right” way to do it.
Coping with loss, whether it is the loss of a person or a career, is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience — nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. But others can be there for you and help comfort you through this process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Resisting it only will prolong the natural process of healing. Okay, so that is why the tears were always so close to the surface…
I have been through the stages listed above. It hasn’t been easy. It certainly hasn’t been pretty and I have my supportive family to thank for allowing me to grieve. They have put up with my mood swings, my depression, my anger when it sometimes wasn’t warranted, my sadness at the loss I experienced. But I am done now, I am moving on, I am climbing up from the bottom and making my way to the new me.
If any of you find yourselves in a similar situation, make sure you allow yourselves the time to heal. It is easy to be hard on yourself and to think that it is only a job, that it doesn’t define you, don’t let it get to you, but the truth is: it does. It really does. And it hurts. A lot. But remember there is also a light at the end of the tunnel, and better things are headed your way. It is when you reach this stage that you start to attract the good things in life you deserve, and the magic will happen.
That which does not kill us, makes us stronger. —Friedrich Nietzsche
Has your job been deemed “no longer viable”? Please share your stories and thoughts below.
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